The Nightshift

Ahh, the Commodores, before Lionel left to dance on the ceiling. They just had a great sound to them. And I am a sucker for Motown, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised how much I like their old stuff.

One of my favorite tracks is the "Nightshift", it has such a wonderful arrangement and the beat just relaxes me no matter my mood. It's such a smooth flowing song.

It's also such a great tribute to Marvin Gaye and Jackie Wilson. Wilson is great, but I really miss Gaye much more and feel the song is such a strong representative of what Marvin might sing himself.

On an evening when I am missing someone, and still feel lost it's a warm comfort that makes me press replay a few times.

Posted: 8:14:46 PM | Top of Page

The stars

It has been over a year since Brianna gave me three books she cherished. Tonight I opened the Bible, she had suggested starting with "John" and had so marked it. But after looking at it for more than a few minutes I was drawn to the beginning. I can't really explain it, but the only familiarity I have with the Bible resides in Genesis.

It's where the story starts, where the great miracle of our planet and life begins, where I started to read as a young adult, and where I thought fitting to begin again.

And as I began, as it says God separated light from dark and how the sun, moon, and stars shone upon the earth I could only think one thing. That even in the darkest of nights, the most dire of times; that blanket of darkness is still illuminated by the stars. They have historically been used to navigate the seas and land, and just maybe they can be used to navigate our hearts too.

For if it is all true, and God did create the heavens and stars; I'd like to think that they are there to remind us that the light is there to break the darkness, to shine down on us, and guide us to wherever we may be headed.

Even if it's just one star, it is still shining down, it's a bit of light, it's a bit of hope, because with it as your companion you will see it disappear into the glorious dawn where the sun will welcome you with an intense and warm light on your face, welcoming you and rewarding you for persevering through the night.

And for a moment my heart feels whole. At this very moment I feel like I am not alone, but loved. And just maybe, along with the stars, that is all I need tonight...

Posted: 8:52:34 PM | Top of Page

Wisconsin Primary

"Get out and vote today", I said that to myself and many others. And looking at the early results not only did Wisconsin come out to vote, the residents of Wisconsin gave Barack Obama the state and a nearly 150 delegate lead.

Looking even further at what happened, more voters came out in support of Obama than the Republican primary combined. I think we are seeing a nation beginning down a road of transformation, and that is being led by desire.

We are looking for change, the primary and effective message of Mr. Obama's campaign. While Mrs. Clinton and the republican right continue to frame Mr. Obama as only a man of words, those very same words are bringing people to the polls, getting them involved in the political process, inspiring them to take a bold step, a step away from what we've struggled through for 8 years, a step forward in supporting a candidate that knows he needs us now and in the future to be the vessel of change.

From 2002 on I have slowly become numb and disinterested in what our country has been doing. My beliefs and hope have been repressed and forgotten by an administration that has ruled us with fear, completely destroyed foreign policy, ignored the constitution, alienated our rights, and funded a war built upon lies and now held together by the men and women that are our neighbors, family and friends.

I've stopped watching the news, I've become irritated by the machine Bush and company have built to deflect attention and continue to ignore the publics displeasure.

In 2008 I have been re energized with interest, passion and vigor. I can only thank one man for that, and he holds the hopes and dreams of myself and so many other Americans in his hands and future.

I am certain all of his policies won't immediately take effect once he gets into office, but his refreshing stance, humility, perseverance, vision, and honesty has me once again believing that we don't need to settle for status quo.

And maybe, just maybe, my generation is seeing the birth of a figure worthy of being compared to the great men and women that shaped the country, and his words will inspire others, bring forth serious action, and help America move forward instead of continuing to fall behind.

Posted: 8:59:14 PM | Top of Page

Feeling Drained

Used. Ragged. Drained. Near collapse. Those are just a few words describing how I feel as my Friday work day drew to a close. It has been an awfully long week that has again tested my resolve and mental determination.

But it is Friday, and I am really looking forward to the weekend so I can recharge a bit. I did notice I wasn't the only one feeling so drained, as I ran into Anna throughout the day you could tell she was having a rough day as well. As I talked to her I learned it wasn't just today, but all week as well.

She told me about some projects that have been challenging, and also that she slept on the couch last night. I wanted to probe deeper, but my concern was more around how she was feeling and not the who, what and why's.

It makes me feel so useless when I can't find a way to help a friend out. Whether it's picking up something at work, just listening to them, or cheering them up with a joke - I feel like I just want to jump in and do something to make things a bit easier or better. Maybe that's because I always want to fix things, but I do strongly believe it is more that I care for those people and their unhappiness affects me too.

We chatted for a bit and when she got up and leaned against me for a hug I really knew the weekend couldn't come too soon for her. I offered to listen to her, buy her a drink, or even shots if it would help get her mind elsewhere. Sometimes blowing off a bit of steam can help your frame of mind.

She thanked me saying, "I really appreciate you". That was all I needed this week. After feeling so blue yesterday it reminds me that I can still have positive relationships with my friends and family and that means a lot to me. I still wish the long winter nights were warmed with another heart beating next to mine, but those four words meant just as much today.

I hope both her and I can relax and have a calming and peaceful weekend so we are recharged next week.

Posted: 10:50:29 PM | Top of Page

Valentine's Day

It might just be me, but I feel like it's a cursed day. I can not recall one truly amazing Valentine's Day in my recent past. They've always been slightly complicated. Not to say girls in my past neglected the day, but it's not exactly been overly romantic either.

This year I wished everyone a very happy Valentine's Day. I thought be sharing in their experience and good fortune it would be an adequate substitute for my loneliness this year. I didn't want to completely write the day off, I in fact find it a very comforting day to see others display their affection for loved ones.

And I know it is a Hallmark holiday, that everything is overpriced, and that once-a-year gestures are not the foundation of an incredible relationship. But I was pretty sure, just a month or two ago, that I would be one of those lucky few. I would have a romantic and fulfilling holiday with someone I cared very deeply for.

I was excited by my relationship with Sara, she is a very caring and sweet girl. During the course of our relationship we've shared some intimate and deep thoughts and feelings. Things have been confusing for the last month or so, but I thought better of completely writing off the relationship so I decided to send her a bouquet of flowers.

The message was very simple and I hoped a gesture like this might make a difference in the relationship. I was honestly saddened that I didn't hear from her. I miss her. Quite a bit actually. Her response to the flowers was a non-response. Via an e-mail later I mentioned that I hope she liked the flowers and she responded with a rather cold "you didn't have to do that, but thanks."

So on a day filled with pinks and reds I found myself feeling rather blue and forgotten. I wonder if love is something I can not attain, or if I am just taking it all a little too seriously. But then I realize my feelings are always very strong and true, and if I missed out on anything it just wasn't meant to be.

It still has be grinding my wheels and replaying way too many things in my head anyways.

Posted: 9:46:41 PM | Top of Page

Bronz the Fonz!

If you missed it recently; Visit Milwaukee, the city's convention and visitor's bureau, announced that they raised enough funds to commission a bronze statue of Milwaukee's favorite cool cat - THE FONZ!

There have been some people who believe it's a poor idea and too kitschy, that it doesn't resemble the spirt of Milwaukee at all. For as long as I've been alive, and lived in this great city, we've found it hard to identify Milwaukee with anything but beer and bubblers.

Since the Art Museum added the Calatrava expansion you find stylized versions of it's wings everywhere. It's the one and only structure that people from Milwaukee want to have associated with our city, and I have a serious problem with that. What about some of the other wonderful buildings here in Milwaukee. The flame on the gas tower comes to mind as does city hall, the water tower or many of our other cream city bricked buildings.

Milwaukee has been a blue collar town, and those feelings are strongly rooted in the work ethic, pride, and foundation of this city. Trying to sweep that away or under a rug won't make Milwaukee change any faster. If anything you are alienating your own history by doing so. Chances are your parents, grandparents, and friends are very blue collar if you live or were raised in Milwaukee.

So I'm all for bronzing the Fonz. Although kitschy, he, Laverne and Shirley, and every other dramatic example of Milwaukee's unique nature have given us some sort of identity. Something our leaders, community, and Visit Milwaukee have been unable to do. We'll never be NYC, Chicago or L.A. But our differences is what makes us unique, and a greatly overlooked community of kind and generous people that drink from bubblers, have great pride in their heritage, and wonderful accents!

Posted: 1:39:29 PM | Top of Page

Looking forward

The beginning and end of relationships are interesting to me. It usually takes a solid three months to really get to know someone. For those first few dates and weeks everything seems so magical and then at the end you are left wondering; was it just a special time that has slipped away, were the stars even aligned, did everything mean what you thought it did, and were all the words or times just a mirage.

So as I sit here trying to regulate my feelings and reflect on the past I can't help but wonder what comes next? Is there a next for me? It's funny how my blogging about my feelings brought someone into my life and actually helped her exit stage right. Deciding what to share in your blogs in a very delicate balance. In one instant you are opening up your interior and private world for everyone to see, but you are also putting your very personal thoughts and feelings out there for misinterpretation or ridicule. It's not fair to judge me on half of who I am, or appear to be.

But this is a truth I have realized, I am looking for someone that can love and understand me. Maybe not both at the same time, but at least one at any given time. My personality is charged with humor, intelligence, and love. I care deeply for those around me, and I am at the point in my life where I am not looking for any drama. So I want to surround myself with people that care as much for me and are more interested in having fun, experiencing the world, and laughing about the good and bad times together.

But life is about experiences and education. I have learned a few things; long distance relationships only work with strong communication, women will always be an enigma so stop trying to figure them out, if you can't let the small things go you'll never get through the bigger and more important issues of life, and loving someone does not mean they love you back. But I have experienced some great things as well; feeling closer to someone than I ever thought possible, my heart growing back to a size where it can love again, the familiar pain of disappointment, and one of my biggest wishes coming true.

I think the rest of the experiences I'll keep locked up in my heart where they belong, unblemished and sacred.

And as I look forward, I welcome whatever the future may have in store. I've got a list of places I want to see, experiences I want to cherish, people I want to converse with, memories I wish to share, and an abundance of love that is looking to be sheltered and consumed. Whatever comes next, it may or may not be great - but I am more prepared than ever to take it on. Because I have finally realized that I am fully and completely right about what life means to me. What all the experiences add up to, and that whether I go it alone or together with someone every second of it should be treated as if it is your last.

Posted: 8:08:01 AM | Top of Page

Christmas Spirit?

I seem to have lost my Christmas spirit. I was all jacked for the holidays and excited about buying thoughtful gifts, etc. Now it's gone.

So here it is, 14 days till Christmas and I have no decorations up, no tree, no stocking, and I'm missing my favorite part of the season - an Advent calendar. There is something I just love about opening the little doors every day and eating the chocolate and getting excited about the countdown.

I should be thankful for everything I have and enjoying the season. Ice skating, watching my favorite Christmas movie, or listening to the sounds of the season.

Bah Humbug!

Posted: 9:48:14 PM | Top of Page

Single?

11:31 PM I receive this text message, "I can't believe some girl hasn't snatched you up yet".

I've been alive almost 32 years on this place called Earth. With over 6 billion people on this little blue orb you would think it would be easy not to feel cold and alone.

Yet I have felt that way, others surely have as well. It's hard to believe that it is even possible that I can't find comfort as easily as finding a plumber in the Yellow Pages. Then again just because you call the first plumber you come across doesn't mean he is able to help you...

As a child I know I was loved and my parents still care deeply for me. But as you grow older and more mature you realize what life really is about. I think at some point before you die you think about your legacy and what you accomplished with your time here. For me life is about living, about finding a soul mate and having a family I can care for and love. I think that is probably very true for many other people. And without that I feel a coldness that reminds me every day that I am missing out on something I see my parents, friends, and family share in.

So when someone comes into your life that touches you so deeply you know they must be special. That person could be a friend, a co-worker or a family member.

But what about that person that touches you so deeply and warms your heart? The girl that makes you feel something so unexplainable that others simply describe it as "you'll just know". I can only explain it as this strong and intangible feeling that tugs at your heart and soul. Like the wind on your face you know it's there but can't see it. It's just a feeling that is so strong and true. The cold dark places inside of me have been warmed by a warm light. Instead of seeing just my past I am dreaming about my future.

It has you calling a close friend after your first date and expressing things you never thought you would. It has you feeling so happy and excited about the future that you are ready to burst out and tell everyone about it. It prepares you to do anything to make that other person happy. And it has you feeling sad when they are sad. It has you missing them the moment you say goodbye. But it also has you feeling so strong that you believe that together you can do anything and overcome any obstacle. And that no one can take it away.

And now we can't help but talk about the day that we don't need to say goodbye. It's no secret that the last two years of my life have been hard on me. I was so prepared to protect my heart from being hurt again, but with our first kiss those walls have melted away like snow on late winter day. And maybe my life right now is starting to bloom as my life moves from a cold winter into a warm and beautiful spring.

Maybe I was still single because of fate. Because on September 30th I would be sitting at a bar unaware that the girl walking through the door was also walking into my life, changing it forever; stealing my heart and reminding me the world can be a warm and beautiful place.

Posted: 8:59:27 AM | Top of Page

The Second Date

I had a date with Sara last night at the Riversite Restaurant in Mequon. It was a very quaint little spot tucked up against the river. The view was very nice but I think it would be even more pretty in the winter after a fresh snow fall covering some of the trees and bank of the river that you look down at.

I was nervous my entire drive up there. I was nervous waiting for her as she pulled into the parking lot. My entire body perked up when I saw her and I was just floating on cloud nine the rest of the night. I was still nervous throughout dinner, but after a bit of wine it helped me relax.

Our first date had went very well and I wanted the time we spent together to be just as good again. I was a bit slow to pick up the conversation but once I felt a bit more comfortable I think it went well. She is very easy to talk to and I really feel like I can just be myself. And that is exactly who I was so far.

The service was a bit slow and the decor was a little too old for us, but the food was good and so was the bottle of wine we had. I am not a wine connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination - but Sara ordered a great selection and schooled me on a few things while serving it. It was cute to have her talk to me about something she is passionate about.

I picked the spot because they were supposed to have well over 600 wine selections and although they didn't have our first choice I think we still had a bottle that paired well with our food and mood.

Dessert was great and probably my favorite part of the meal. We shared that before we stopped at the bar to talk some more and for a few more drinks.

Her boss Andy wanted to meet us out so he and his girlfriend stopped by. We shared a few drinks before heading up to a spot in Cedarburg. Ironically the bar is across the street from where Jessica works and I get my hair done up.

I do try to be a gentleman about things. I'm not the type to kiss and tell - but I am going to make an exception here.

After we got out of the car she grabbed my hand to hold it. It was a pretty bold move but it definitely let me know she was into me. It was attractive that she did that. And while most people wait until the end of the date to make a move I stopped there. Under the golden glow of the street light I kissed her. It wasn't something I planned, it wasn't something I would normally do.

But I just felt it was the right moment and it was a great first kiss. A GREAT FIRST KISS.

Andy and his girlfriend were very nice and bought some drinks. I felt very comfortable meeting them. It could have gone the opposite way where you feel like you are meeting a friend and they are just grilling you for information, or worse yet - don't approve of you at all. But they seemed like good people.

We hung out at the bar for a bit before trying to decide what to do next. We didn't know if we wanted to go out a bit longer but eventually decided that the two couples would split up for the night.

We drove back to the Riversite where we left her car and I really was sad to kind of see the night end. We were chatting for a bit before we kissed again. And that is all you will get to read about. It was PG people, so don't go thinking anything WRONG!

But this was one of the best make out sessions the world has ever seen. TOP 5 of all time. I can't say number one because I need to reserve that for us later or maybe Adam and Eve had something spectacular.

But this was by far the best kiss I've ever had. The entire time I couldn't help but think if this was real. And the soundtrack was top notch. I had my iPod playing in the car and it just seemed to kick in the right songs. It couldn't have been planned better if you tried. It's one of those moment you never forget. One I will never forget.

The entire night wrapped up with me thinking how lucky I was to meet this girl. After being so unlucky in the past maybe this is what people meant when they say "you just know". Scary to think of that when I have only talked to this girl for a few weeks. But every part of my heart and body says she is wonderful.

And she truly is...

Posted: 7:20:33 AM | Top of Page